Of Role Choices and Double Dates
by ExtremeRainbowRaiderPrincess
Summary: Kevin and Jeff have a strange moment where they actually behave like friends after the Oscars. Set a while after Tropic Thunder.


_Disclaimer: I only own the OC's and the story. After that I own nothing else._

_Author's Note: Ehm… This idea was formed when talking to my mom and sister about Jack Black as Little Miss Muffet. God knows how we got on that topic- I certainly don't know how. XD_

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><p>One a warm, relatively clear night in Los Angeles, one where you could almost see the stars through the smog and lights of the city, many people were gathered together in one large theater for one reason:<p>

The Oscars.

In one particular row, close to the stage and crammed full of some of the hottest names in Hollywood, two former coworkers sat. One was the honest, good-natured Kevin Sandusky. The other was the nutty Jeff Portnoy, who was currently on the edge of his seat, waiting to hear who the winner of Supporting Male Actor was.

"…And the Oscar for best supporting male actor goes to… Jeff Portnoy, for the Cow in _Jack and the Beanstalk_." A tall, slender actress announced onstage at the Oscars as Kevin looked at his sorta-friend seated next to him.

"Congratu-" Kevin started to say as Jeff stood up to go an accept his award, only to be cut off as Jeff yelled an expletive.

"Yee-haaah! Beat that, bitch!" Jeff said, swaggering out into the aisle, stepping on Kevin's foot in the process.

The younger man yelped in pain as Jeff went up to the stage, several members of the audience staring after him.

He had no clue why they were staring at him like that, but he didn't care. He had his Oscar. His night was complete.

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><p>Much later in the night, after the after-party was over and most people were too drunk to give a flying fig about who was saying what, Kevin found himself talking to Jeff while they stood near their cars.<p>

"Congratulations, again, Jeff, for winning Best Supporting Actor." Kevin said as Jeff struggled to figure out which key on his key ring was his car key and what the other ones belonged to.

"Thanks man, but you know, it wasn't that hard." Jeff said, starting off another conversation with his ego.

Kevin sighed. "Here we go again." He muttered under his breath, wishing he had kept his mouth shut for once.

"I mean, it's all about talent. And really, really sexy good looks. And some bribes. Mostly good looks though." Jeff said as he leaned against his BMW.

"Well, you earned it man. I mean, you really-"

"-And because of that, I got the award for Best Supporting Actor! I beat out all those other losers! Hah! Take that you-" Jeff shouted, starting to get animated at the thought of bashing his competitors.

"Jeff," Kevin cut him off with. "You do realize that you were also competing against yourself there?"

Jeff stopped mid-rant to think about that.

He had been competing against himself in the supporting roll of Little Miss Muffet…

"Aw man!" Jeff stomped his foot. "I should've totally won Best Supporting Actress as well! I was freakin' robbed!"

Kevin blinked, stunned silent. "Uh… How is that possible?" He finally managed to ask.

Jeff glared at him. "Did you see me in that roll? I was a hot chic!"

Kevin had not seen the movie. He didn't really ever want to, but he couldn't help but see Jeff in a long blond wig and a dress…

…And had to face-palm. Jeff's logic was very… Odd…

"Were you a convincing woman?" Kevin asked him slowly, trying to understand Jeff's logic.

Jeff snorted. "How should I know? Though, I've been told that if you put me in that wig, corset dress, and you are very drunk, you'd think I was one!" He said, a devious glimmer in his eyes.

Kevin would bet his paycheck that he knew what Jeff was going to be for Halloween.

"I- I don't want to see that." Kevin said, shaking his head.

Jeff, though, had gone off into his own little world.

"Yeah, yeah think about it man!" Jeff said, stepping over to Kevin and wrapping one arm around Kevin's slim shoulders, the other hand waving in front of them. "The next great craze in Halloween costumes, started by yours truly!"

Kevin thought about that for a moment. And then the mental image hit him.

_BRAIN BLEACH! _He silently screeched, his eyes tripling in size.

"You know, I think we should let that idea go..." Kevin said, peeling Jeff's arm off of him, as Jeff's phone began blaring a… Ring tone of a cat meowing?

"Hang on, I gotta get this." Jeff said, removing the phone from his pocket. "It's my wife."

Kevin stared at him in shock. "You're married?" He asked incredulously, not sure if he really was hearing Jeff right.

Jeff gave a noncommittal grunt as he lifted the phone to his ear. "Hey baby, what's up?"

Kevin still was stunned as Jeff nodded, listening to his wife. "Yeah, the ceremony went well. Wish you could've been there, but I understand." He said before moving the phone away from his mouth. "She hates how catty everyone is at these events."

"Oh." Kevin said, unable to say anything else.

Jeff didn't hear though, because he was listening to his wife once more. "Uh-huh. Yeah, the after party was kinda dull. A lot of people were drunk and stupid." He paused, nodding along to something she was saying. "Yeah, I was just talking to Kevin Sandusky-"

"You know my name?" Kevin squeaked, shocked.

Jeff glared at him. "-We're both out in the parking lot." He paused. "No, he evidently had no idea I was married." Another pause resulted in Kevin getting the stink eye. "You sure? He can ramble a lot." He said cryptically before listening to her again.

Suddenly Kevin felt more than a little nervous. He hadn't insulted anyone- had he?

Jeff's laughter broke his train of fearful thoughts. "You do not ramble. You're too amazing to ramble."

_Wow, he really loves her, doesn't he? _Kevin thought as Jeff nodded.

"Okay, I'll tell him." He then turned to Kevin, a sincere smile on his overly-tanned face. "Dinah wants to know if you're available on Friday for a double-date. She's got a single friend who thinks you're really cute that she can set you up with."

That's when Kevin's jaw nearly hit the blacktop they were standing on. _A double date?_ That he had not seen coming.

"Um, yeah, I-" Kevin started to say when Jeff resumed his conversation with his wife.

"He said "yes"." Jeff said with a chuckle, removing his wallet from his back pocket as he did so. "I know! Cady will be so thrilled!" He said as he opened his wallet and removed a photograph, holding it out to Kevin. Kevin gently took the photo from him, studying the happy couple in the photo.

It was Jeff… With a pretty woman… And a baby.

"Wow, she's… Wow. And I didn't know you had a-" He was about to comment on the baby when Jeff took the picture back and gave him the stink eye once more.

"What's that supposed to mean? That I'm too damn good for her?" Jeff snapped, going on the defensive in an instant. "Oh. Sorry baby, I lost control of my language there for a moment. Thank God Junior isn't listening in on this." He said before turning to Kevin and saying in a relatively polite tone: "Oh, and I meant, do you mean she's too good for me?"

Kevin shook his head. "No, I- I meant-" _What had I meant? _He wondered. "I meant that I've never seen someone with as smooth skin as she has. She could totally be a model for a makeup company or something." He said, the first thing that had popped into his mind. And he meant it- her skin was gorgeous.

"Oh. He says your skin is gorgeous and that you could be a skin model." Jeff said, relaying Kevin's words to his wife. "She says, "Thank you", by the way." He added, his anger gone.

Kevin nodded. "Uh, you're welcome." He said, mostly to himself, slowly inching away from Jeff.

Once again, though, Jeff had stopped listening. Kevin now understood why so many people avoided Jeff like the plague.

He had to wonder, though, how Jeff had ended up with a woman who sounded like an absolute sweetheart when he was, well, Jeff.

"Yep, I'll remember to pick up crackers, bandages, and chicken soup. Oh, yeah, and I won't forget the mango shampoo either." Jeff said, turning to Kevin again, causing Kevin to freeze in place. "The shampoo is totally awesome; it's what makes my hair smell so nice. Here, smell my hair." Jeff said, stepping closer to Kevin.

"N- no thanks. I- I need to get going; my dog probably needs to be walked." Kevin lied. He had two goldfish waiting for him at home and that was it.

"No, seriously, smell my hair, man. That shampoo is like Heaven in a bottle." Jeff said, stepping even closer.

"No." Kevin said, reaching into his pants pocket to fish out his keys.

"Smell my hair!" Jeff shouted at him just as a woman was walking past them to her car.

She looked at them as they looked at her and shook her head, obviously scolding them, before continuing on her way.

"I'm going to kill you!" Jeff hissed before pausing. "Repeat that, baby?"

Kevin took that moment to get his keys out and unlock his car.

"Hey!" Jeff yelled, causing Kevin to nearly drop his keys as he looked at him in fear. "Sorry about that man; I'm just tired, you know how it is. Remember: Friday at 6:30. We'll have dinner at my place and then play some board games, okay?"

Kevin, not wanting to get in even more trouble, nodded. "O- okay, see you then." He said before climbing in his car, starting it, and leaving the parking lot.

He sighed in relief. _Ah, the price you pay when you're friends with Jeff Portnoy. Nothing is ever what it seems with him, but he certainly knows how to lighten the mood. _He thought. _Now I have to wonder what the friend is like. Was that the "Cady" he mentioned?_

As he drove home, he had to worry: Just what had he gotten himself into?

And to think, this all started with a simple conversation about Jeff's role choices.

"Wait a second," Kevin said to himself, "I never got that answer on whether or not they have a baby!"

There were some things that didn't bother Kevin, and then there was that.

_Friendship- a reason to put up with some pretty strange people. _Kevin thought with a shake of his head and a smile.

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><p><em>I cannot guarantee that I will write another fic for Tropic Thunder, though I might if I really feel mischievous. =)<em>

_Comments are always welcome, though flames will have to be directed to my secretary, the Proto from Tomb Raider: The Angel of Darkness. You can find them hiding in some dark corner eating butterscotch candy._


End file.
